Tuesday, January 26th

I signed for a large consignment of alcohol this afternoon, mostly consisting of a fine selection of Scottish malt whiskies, with a few Napoleon Brandies, Jack Daniels, some Bourbon and assorted licqueurs thrown in for good measure. While he was at lunch I filled the lower cupboard of the MD's drinks cabinet and put three of the whisky bottles in the top section side by side with a bottle of brandy on each end. As I suspected, the MD returned from lunch and didn't even break stride as he took the middle bottle on the way to his desk. Every time he pops out to the gents (which is becoming more and more frequent), I add another two bottles of whisky in the middle of the front row and I've started on a second row perfectly aligned behind the first, not noticeable to the dilated eye.

By close of business today, I should have the remaining stock out from under my desk and on display in three neat rows. As long as I keep sneaking his empties out to the bottle bank in the staff car park he won't notice how much he's getting through.

Some good news. Widget production is now back to full capacity since it was put on hold last Tuesday, when Oswald disappeared, and partially restarted on Friday - and we're doing much better in the Winter Olympics challenge on the Wii. Justin and Marcus, the two young nongoats at the far end of the office are actually doing a really good "hearts and minds" job in the goat community. So as their contribution to widget production has always been somewhat dubious, I've told them they can continue pretty much as they are now, for as long as the goat situation continues.

Not so, David and Stacey, the two nongoats on my Oswald Search team, who's duties seem to require an inordinate number of trips to the stationery cupboard. After their last visit, during which they'd clearly found just the right shade of highlighter pen they were looking for, I suggested that maybe next time they should test the pens on a piece of paper rather than on each other. I've called a search team meeting for 5.15pm so I can brief the MD before his next press statement in the morning.